Got a taste of being happy

It wasn’t long enough

got a taste of being happy

before you spit into my cup

And I drank it just the same

As if you’d made it any other way

I guess that’s the catch with this

I’d down it no matter how bad it is

My intellect tells me to stop drinking

She’s drowning out she’s under & sinking

But the pit in my chest that needs you so bad

Doesn’t waste time thinking it’s just fuckin’ sad

Got a taste of being happy

It wasn’t long enough

And it was only after falling down

I’d forgotten why

I’d forgotten why I jump

And now my hands are tied

Not like I imagined

Take a breath and sigh

Pull apart what had happened

Trying to salvage a conversation

You’re so in your head you can tell you’re not making any sense

Of your entire situation

And I’ve been patient, I’ve been patient

You’re a mess I’m a martyr

Always left and always right

“I’ll get you a glass of water”

While you try and decide

While you try and decide

I wanna hold you, not like the other girls did

I wanna roll with you, around town and into bed

I always said that I’d be alone making eyes at an empty phone

But now I think that I’m in trouble cause I’m so used to being on my own

I wanna take time, and turn it page by page

I’m not interested in reading a whole chapter every day

It’s not self-help but it’s intriguing

I help myself by not exceeding, or comparing, or competing

But it’s not quite there to our dismay

Barely even turned a page

Stranger, lover, to estranged

Funny how the title changes

I feel angry I feel blind

Thought it could be it this time

You swung left when I went right

Wasn’t what I had in mind

I know I wanna

I know I wanna

I know I wanna

Help them all if it’d just help my self

It feels bad

How I feel right now

I sat next to you in bed

for the third time and somehow

I’m already hurting inside

rampant ideas rage in my mind

as I roll over to see you

you are scrolling and preoccupied

Can I really be that boring

half-naked in the morning

You told me I was intriguing

but not as habit forming

I’m still trying to find

and tight-rope walk on that fine line

Do you really hurt me

is at all damage over time

‘Cause if I’m not sad

when I’m alone

It’s probably cause to contemplate

this may be overgrown

I hate second place

it’s not where I belong

and I don’t wanna question if you want me

I don’t have another sad song in me

I’m used to being alone

Could I be overreacting

This could be worth unpacking

I’ve been stepped on before forgive me

I have trouble relaxing

We’ve had the conversations

the smack-talking and the ranting

Of those who came before us

who reeked the havoc and caused the blackening

We’ve listened with intention

with desire to make it happen

We gave way to the fear

in hopes to revel in the rapture

But as you stare at your screen

I’ve never felt less seen

And I still can’t tell if I ‘m a mess

or if you’re really being mean

‘Cause if I’m not sad

when I’m alone

It’s probably cause to contemplate

this may be overgrown

I hate second place

it’s not where I belong

and I don’t wanna question if you want me

I don’t have another sad song in me

I’m used to being alone

You’ve come back again

That feeling

There’s no rain outside

It’s not the season

To wear the weight of it

I was done healing

Thanks for being here

When are you leaving

When are you leaving

I am wading, I’m not in water

I am hurting, I need a doctor

I need help I think I’ll call her

Help me settle in to unpack the imposter

When are you leaving

Take all your grieving

When are you leaving

Got me believing

This is the last time I survive

You can only be struck so many times before you have to decide

Do you pack it away

Do you try to hide

Well I’ve already paid my dues to darkness

Now its time for the light

I’ve already paid my dues to darkness

Now its time for the light

I’ve already paid my dues

I’ve already paid my dues

When are you leaving?

Take all your grieving

When are you leaving?

Im still healing